Foreplay and why it is important

If foreplay for you means a few hurried twists around Clitoris before penetration, or worse, something you don't do at all, you're seriously missing out. There are many techniques and positions you can forgo and still have an amazing sex life, but good foreplay is key.

But before we find out why, let's take a step back to understand what we actually mean when we talk about foreplay.

What is foreplay?
Foreplay, also known as “outer relations,” is traditionally understood as any sexual activity that occurs before intercourse. Foreplay includes a wide range of activities such as kissing, caressing, cuddling, fantasy sharing, touching, talking, or mutual massage.

We often think of foreplay as an appetizer before the main course. A small tasting that will whet your appetite for the main event. But that's the wrong way to look at it. First, foreplay doesn't always have to lead to intercourse. And second, intercourse doesn't have to be the main course.

Defining foreplay as “sexual activity... before sex” implies that any sexual activity other than penetration is not sex. But by defining and understanding sex solely as penile-vaginal penetration, we limit ourselves. This phallocentric view also limits our pleasure in many ways as it makes our sexual encounters focused on the penetrative act which “must” happen in our minds.

All sex can include a wide range activities. It doesn't have to involve penetration at all. There are so many non-penetrative activities that can be classified as sex: oral sex, phone sex, masturbation, breast stimulation, nipple play, kissing...

Therefore, it's perhaps better to think of foreplay more broadly as a way of building sexual pleasure, which may or may not be accompanied by orgasm, penetration, or any other sexual activity.

Why is foreplay so important?

Foreplay builds sexual arousal and pleasure
In addition to providing pleasure, which should be at the center of all sexual activity, foreplay is essential for many reasons. One of them is that foreplay builds sexual arousal and pleasure through physical and mental stimulation. Physically, we experience changes like increased blood flow to the genitals, causing the penis and clitoris to enlarge, and lubrication in the vagina and vulva. And by increasing arousal, vaginal muscles pull the uterus upward, creating more space in the vagina, which helps make sex more enjoyable. Another example is the hormones the body produces. For instance, when we kiss, we release oxytocin in the vagina, which helps sex, serotonin, and dopamine. All of these feel-good hormones reduce stress levels and help us be present in the moment and enjoy sex more.

Foreplay increases desire
Foreplay isn't just about physical and visible signs of arousal. Foreplay is also what gets us in the mood. It's what makes us think about sex. It's what makes us want to rip our clothes off, get down, and be ”naughty” together.

Desire can arise spontaneously, like when you're in a new relationship, but it's not the only kind of desire. After the exciting honeymoon period ends, you'll need to tap into the power of imagination to encouraging desire. We feel a strong desire when we are not initially in the mood for sex, but after getting aroused by foreplay, we start to feel our libido rising.

Foreplay helps you connect with your partner
Foreplay can also help us feel closer and more intimate with our partners, which further increases arousal. So, from an emotional standpoint, the arousal that is born and grows from any sexual activity is a form of connection. Foreplay can also help you discover your body, what you like and dislike, as well as communicate that to your partner.